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December 18, 2013 @ 5:25 pm

EBK #12: Christmas Secret

The holiday season is the perfect time for dates to the ice skating rink, cozying up next to the fire with that special someone... and lying alone in your bed at night haunted by the amazing girlfriends you screwed things up with. For this final episode of 2013, I revisit the only past girlfriend I haven't talked about here, partially because this time of year is super effective at reminding me how alone I am and I need to get to the heart of what's wrong with me (even if it makes any women listening out there never want to be anywhere near me for fear of ending up in a future episode), and partially because this memory is especially important. Why? Because when the passion you share with someone is a secret, memories are all you have.


Happy holidays, and thanks for listening this past year. New episodes will be less frequent in 2014, but until I figure out whether I'm legitimately evil or simply indecisive in a way that hurts people, there'll always be more stories to tell.
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October 22, 2013 @ 8:50 pm

EBK #11: Stuck in the Past

Most of my waking hours are concerned with past decisions -- choices I could have made differently, or more quickly, and the various choices I would have had had I made other choices differently. Obviously, this line of thinking is pointless, considering we can't travel back in time. But "time travel" is possible, is a looser sense, such as when we encounter people who remind us of younger versions of ourselves. In those situations, the same time travel paradox presents itself: do we warn our younger selves of the struggles to come, or allow them to suffer through the trials that made us who we are today?

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August 25, 2013 @ 2:16 pm

EBK #10: Stealing the Girlfriend

I've reached that point in my mid-20s where most of my friends are in serious relationships. And I'm not. Besides a select few who have taken steps to maintain our friendships, most have gotten lazy about hanging out, or have become unbearable to be around... often leaving me single, friendless, and frustrated. But while I currently hate all my couple friends, I can't exactly blame them for not wanting to return to the hunt. It's a confusing, impossible process, and I've never been very good at it. This episode tells the story of a time I was so desperate for a girlfriend that I stole someone else's. 

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August 24, 2013 @ 3:44 am

EBK Pilot Script Finalist in NYTVF Fox Comedy Script Contest

I will be releasing a new episode soon, but for now I have some exciting news. Last spring, I wrote an animated pilot script called EVIL BLOND KID that is inspired from this storytelling series. That script has been selected as a finalist for the Fox Comedy Script Contest in the New York Television Festival. The people at Fox development will choose a winner from the finalists, who will receive a cash prize and a development deal with Fox. Additionally, as a finalist, I'll be attending the festival in October (when the winner will be announced), where I'll have access to various industry and network people.


Thank you to everyone who listens to this podcast -- sure, I'd probably be churning out this stuff even if no one listened, but the fact that anyone does means so much.

I was planning on recording a staged reading of the pilot script and releasing it as a special episode, but I think I'll wait until later in the fall, when the contest is over and the legal stuff is out of the way. Or, by some miracle, maybe you'll see the pilot on TV one day! (Probably not.)

For now I think it's safe to post the logline, for anyone interested:

EVIL BLOND KID: After escaping an assassination attempt by a stranger from the future, a straight-laced student with blond hair discovers that he is destined to become an evil warlord. With the help of a robot sent to protect him, he must confront his past demons, prevent a dystopian future, and answer the question: does golden hair mask a heart of evil?
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August 6, 2013 @ 4:57 pm

EBK #9: Foot in Mouth

As the tagline for The Social Network put it: "You don't get 500 million friends without making a few enemies." Throughout my writing career I've surprised myself with how candid I've been over the Internet, and I worry what bridges I might have burned in the process. In this episode, I take a step back to ponder whether using a public podcast to air my moral anxieties over private memories is such a good idea... or whether overshare is the only way forward for a young writer. My story here is one of collegiate politics, revenge scandals, and a lesson of how these days, everything, from a campus newspaper to comments on a Facebook post, is written in ink.

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June 27, 2013 @ 2:47 pm

EBK #8: Boy Scout’s Revenge

With the Supreme Court striking down DOMA and California's Proposition 8, attitudes toward rights for homosexuals are clearly shifting. One longtime red-blooded American institution that has finally jumped on board is the Boy Scouts -- a group I spent my teenage years with, and one that just recently began permitting openly gay scouts (though not gay adult leaders). This month's episode tells a story about how easy it is for a young man to lose his humanity in the wilderness... and the destructive power of a single word.

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May 10, 2013 @ 7:22 pm

EBK #7: Kiss And Tell

In this episode of Evil Blond Kid, I share a story I've been hesitant to share. It's a regrettable hookup tale that should appeal to your "drunken frat guy" sensibilities, and one that's awkward enough for me to change names. Sure, a lot of guys have a story like this, but the reason I find mine worth telling is how surreal it seems to me in retrospect, like a chapter torn out of a book about someone else. Certainly a pivotal watermark on my decent into immorality.

While not definitively "explicit," this episode deals with racier subject matter than usual. I talk about adult things and use adult language. Because I'm an adult.

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April 19, 2013 @ 3:33 am

EBK #6: Boy Versus Cat

No topical segue this time -- just a good, action-packed story of man versus beast, and the loss of humanity paid to win the battle. While perhaps not as classic a tale as Moby Dick or as badass as Liam Neeson versus All of the Wolves, I can assure you my story is quite the nail-biter. Cat lovers beware: while I'm sure you've stood by me throughout all the horrible things I've done to elderly strangers, family members, ex-girlfriends, and God, this may be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Also, I got a new microphone, so the audio is crazy good. So good, you can hear the kitten souls flying back to heaven. Have I said too much?

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March 28, 2013 @ 11:02 pm

EBK #5: An Altar Boy’s Secret

Here's a story of a time the church rubbed me the wrong way -- no, not like that. On this Good Friday/Easter weekend, I tell a tale of a sinner-in-saint's-clothing who tried to cheat his way into heaven, and the system that would have let him get away with it if it weren't for some good, old-fashioned guilt.

I apologize for any audio issues with this episode. I had a few unfixable mishaps in the editing process but overall it turned out PERFECT SHUT UP.

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March 14, 2013 @ 2:00 am

EBK #4: Fake Online Boyfriend

This month's episode of the Evil Blond Kid podcast is perhaps my favorite one yet... maybe because I talk about one of the worst things I've ever done. If the title doesn't explain it all, it's a story about online catfishing long before we had a name for such a thing. Except unlike most catfish stories, I'm the one doing the catfishing. That, and a few other evil deeds along the way.

I've never told this story publicly before, and the people involved to this day do not know what happened. So I changed their names. I know, more lies.

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